Ask any divorce lawyer or counselor, the six weeks between New Year’s and Valentine’s Day are when the most breakups happen. Nobody wants to be alone during the holidays and nobody wants to buy an expensive gift for someone they don’t want to be with anymore.
More than one in four of my clients in December came in for difficulties in their romantic relationships so I know this year is going to be a doozy.
Here are some things you should know if you are in this boat and considering ending a romantic connection:
Men and woman do breakups differently: Men tend to do it quickly and think about how they “feel” later. This means that two to three months afterward, when it really hits them, they reconsider and send their ex a text for some made-up reason: “What’s up?” or “Did I leave my brown towel at your house?” By contrast a woman who breaks up in January has been thinking about it since September, and by the time she pulls the plug she has already done all the crying and most of the packing and is sometimes even ready to move on by then.
Sometimes you need a lawyer: Women make this mistake much more than men. If you need to get divorced, if you own a business or even if have you a dog together, paying to get advice from a lawyer is money well spent. Don’t be the woman who says to me “oh, he would never do that” then comes home to an empty bank account that was put only in his name. Trust me, you want legal advice.
Your children will be OK: Everyone cries when family gets torn apart but let me assure you, I have never had an adult client come into my office and say they wished their unhappy parents had stayed together. I have had countless adults tell me they didn’t understand why their miserable parents stayed together when they “clearly hated each other.” The children may say otherwise in the moment but, ultimately, they do want you to be happy.
If you are with the wrong person so is your partner: People tell me they don’t want to hurt their partner’s feelings by letting them go but keep in mind if they are not your soul mate you are not really theirs as well.
Your happiness is important too: Just as above if you are not with the right person for you it means out there somewhere is the right person seeking you out and not finding you available because you are staying in a loveless relationship. The same is true for your partner; someone in the world is looking for them and not finding them single. In a way, you are hurting four people not just two by not being true to your needs and wants.
The bottom line is, you are worthy of love, you deserve love, you are loved, and you are important. Make sure you honor yourself and your feelings and do what you need in order to create the most happiness for yourself and your family. Sometimes that means making the hard choice of leaving; sometimes the hard choice of staying and getting counseling. Love yourself enough to make hard choices and know that you are loved.
Jill K Thomas CHT
Soul Connect Hypnotherapy
Author of the books “Tales from the Trance” & “Feed your Real Hunger”
Appointments available Globally by Video Chat