Recently, a setback occurred in my business that really upset me. Something I had been working on for a long time did not turn out as expected. The other parties involved did not do their part and a project failed. I was heartbroken.
Right now, I am seeing a lot of clients with things like that, business dealings with partners that turned ugly, unexpected lawsuits, unusual and personal betrayals involving putting money ahead of relationships. One client even had a family pet sold by a partner while they were out of town. Shocking!
When betrayal, disappointment, pain involving another person happens, what people miss is that they will go through a mourning process. Like a mini death. And sadly, just like a death, it feels like a ton of bricks and the pain lingers for a long time, so long in fact that people in your life may even tell you to “get over it, it’s just business” or “Get over him, you could do better.” What they are really saying is, “I’m sorry, I just can’t hear about this anymore, it’s too much for me to watch you suffer.” Have patience with them, some people really don’t have the ability to deal with someone else’s pain.
Back to the mourning process:
You aren’t just mourning what happened. You are mourning the loss of the idealized image you had in your mind about how it was supposed to play out, how the other person was supposed to behave. Very frequently that image reflects how WE would have handled the situation.
“But it could have been so perfect.”
I am sorry, but it couldn’t. Not with the people or situation you were working with. It’s not your fault; even if you feel like you missed signs you think you should have seen, there is nothing to gain from blaming yourself.
This is doubly true for people whose hurt was in a romantic relationship. “Oh, but I thought they were the one”; they weren’t. “Oh, but he’s such a good person inside yet he cheated on me.” Maybe he is a good person but not a good match. “Oh but, but, but … ” I know I’ve been there.
Are you saying, “It happened the way it was supposed to?”
No, I have always hated that expression, it takes responsibility off the other party.
I prefer to think that the situation played out the only way it could with the people, place, or situation at hand and with the morals, values, beliefs, or even simply the skill set of the people involved.
Nine times out of 10 this bad situation, betrayal, and the intense hurt that follows is the opening chapter of a story that ends with some massive victory that couldn’t have happened if it hadn’t been for such an epic defeat early on. I know I will have my victory someday, though perhaps not today.
It’s hard, I feel your pain. Literally, right now, but also know that you will survive, you will become a better person as a result of it, and amazing and very unexpected good things will come of it. I can promise you this because that’s what always happens.
Know that you are loved.
Jill K Thomas CHT
Soul Connect Hypnotherapy
Author of the books “Tales from the Trance” & “Feed your Real Hunger”
Appointments available Globally by Video Chat