Some say it’s fear of failure that holds people back, others fear of success. I say in most cases it’s neither of those. It’s fear of losing love and connection, generally with the family of origin. I have seen a LOT of this; people are afraid on some level if they step out of the family norm, take a risk, try something no one else in their family has done before. They are afraid they will lose their place in their tribe.
I have seen this play out a thousand different ways and with many different issues including getting a college education and creating a new business. What happens to someone who was poor who suddenly starts doing well? Family gets jealous, makes mean comments, says it’s not fair, she “didn’t work for it,” or starts asking the prosperous one for money then gets mad when they don’t give it to them or offer up a job. Just the fear of that happening is enough to hold many people back.
I had a female successful business owner’s in-law ask her how she felt about the “fact” that her children would all end up addicted to drugs because was she off doing her “frivolous” business rather than at home baking cookies.
Instead of taking a risk to follow a dream and pursue a life ambition, most people do the things that will keep them safe and in the good graces of the family even when those “graces” are nowhere near good.
If you decide to start a business, you will hear things about how many businesses fail.
If you tell your family you are writing a book, you will hear about how nobody makes any money selling a book anymore.
If you are an aspiring actor, or any other endeavor you aspire to, you will hear about how hard it is to be a successful actor, artist, or whatever you are trying to be.
The truth is lots of things are hard, lots of people fail at some very conventional careers and pursuits, but it’s a thousand times more fun to pursue your dreams than it is to sell car insurance in the family business. Ask me how I know about THAT one.
Bottom line, living a boring life, a safe life, the one your parents want for you, can be awful and unsatisfying. Failure is not inevitable and even if it does happen, which it may the first few attempts at a new endeavor, you will survive and be a better person for the experience.
Ask Bill Gates about going out on a limb. Ask E. L. James what it’s like to write a book that’s both filthy and good at the same time and if she regrets upsetting her parents’ delicate sensibilities. I wonder how those people feel about all the money they earned from their efforts … Pretty good, I bet.
Do it anyway and don’t let fear of … whatever … be in charge of your life. It makes for a lousy life story. Namaste.
Jill Thomas CHT
Soul Connect Hypnotherapy
Encinitas, CA 92024