I remember what a big deal it was when a TV show I was watching featured a female doctor and I was so impressed I told my mom, “I want to be a doctor when I grow up.” Mom’s response: “Men are intimidated by women who make more than them. Besides, you are terrible at math.” I was 10 and the only thing I was legitimately terrible at was ballet.
I wasn’t blessed with children, unless we are calling three fluffy cats children, but if I was I can assure you they would have received very different advice than I got from my product-of-the-fifties mother. If I had girls, this is what I think girls today need to know about life as a woman.
- College is expensive but so is being poor: Study after study have shown that college graduates make more money than those with a high school education. We all know someone with a master’s degree in something who is working at a 7-11, but for the most part those are the exceptions to the rule. Generally, those with a college degree of any kind do better. But don’t go into too much debt for it. Those same studies show that it doesn’t matter where you get your degree, just that you have it.
- You are the prize: Products-of-the-’50s girls were often taught that they needed to work hard on their looks to catch a good man. You are the prize. Work hard to be a good stable and financially secure person then pick the very best match to share your life with. Don’t make the mistake of hoping he will “put a ring on it” without figuring out first if you want him to. Take the time to decide if he’s really the right guy for you to put a ring on and if he is the best possible father for your future children.
- Create your own career or even better start a business: Money can bring freedom, choices, and the ability to create the life you want for yourself separate from any romantic partnership you might have. Making sure you have your own money with a successful career can give you not only job satisfaction but also freedom.
- Use your voice: Girls so often let the louder, more boisterous voices of boys and men drown out their ideas and messages. Don’t! You have something important to say. Say it and learn not to care so much if others like or agree with it. You are important.
- You can be anything: I would love to say this is 100% true, but most adult women already know the game is rigged in favor of men. So that means it may be harder for you. Do it anyway. Not offered the CEO job at a company? Start your own. Want to be a lawyer, doctor, or programmer? Go to school and make that happen even if it’s hard. You are going to be working one way or another so you may as well be doing something that makes you happy that pays well.
- Fear not technology or math: Girls can be crazy good at all things technical. It’s no longer cute to pretend to be helpless. Stand in your power even if that means earning enough money to let someone else handle the things you don’t want to deal with … like landscaping.
- Your looks are not the most important thing about you: The world, media, and Cosmopolitan magazine will tell you otherwise, but your appearance is not the most important thing about you and you are perfect just as you are. Work on deciding who you are and how you want to express yourself in the world and learn not to give a shiz what anyone else thinks about it.
Bonus: Know that you are loved: Don’t let fear of going against the grain keep you isolated and not following your passions. You are loved, you matter, and you are important.
Jill K Thomas CHT
Soul Connect Hypnotherapy
Author of the books “Tales from the Trance” & “Feed your Real Hunger”
Appointments available Globally by Video Chat