The Trick to Stop Complaining and Start Changing
Did you know that when you allow yourself to sit in a space of worry you block the part of the brain that might be able to tell you how to fix it? It’s true. Have you ever noticed that? When you “allow yourself the luxury of worry,” you focus entirely on the problem, which sits in the left side of your brain while not allowing yourself to accept the right side of the brain. That is often like the kid in the back of the classroom yelling, “Pick me! Pick me! I know the answer!!” when the teacher asks a complicated question.
But we don’t, and why is that? Sometimes, just like sitting in self-pity it feels good to sit in the space of worry, like a martyr saying, “only bad things ever happen to me. Oh poor me, that’s so sad.” In the meantime, most of the time one of three things is true: 1) there really isn’t a problem at all; 2) we can’t do anything about it anyway so it’s not worth worrying; or most commonly 3) the answer is right in front of you but you either just don’t want to do it or you don’t want to see it.
I don’t know how many times clients have come into my office with things they thought were impossible to fix and with just a few words from the voice of an outsider—me, a person not emotionally enmeshed in allowing self to feel bad about the problem—a solution became clear.
But just because an idea was clear doesn’t mean they took the advice. I have listened to countless people complain about having miserable jobs over the years, people who would rather just talk about it than work on fixing the problem in a meaningful way. I sometimes wonder if “staying in misery” is a form of self-punishment because people with healthy self-esteem don’t seem to do this as much. But that’s just speculation.
So right now, think about a problem that you have that you think you cannot resolve. Set aside the emotions of the situation and ponder.
What five things could I do to make this situation better?
Do you need to get a better-paying job? Or even better, start a business?
Do you need to consider ending a relationship that is causing you nothing but misery, which would open you up for a better relationship?
Is it time to consider moving to a different house, apartment, state? Perhaps something less expensive so you can free up some money?
Is it time to consider some of what you might call “the nuclear options?”
Selling the house, car, or what?
Take back your power and do something about it or, if you aren’t ready, plan to do something about it. Visit some schools to consider new careers. Do some research on creative ways to solve the problem rather than letting it sap your will to change.
I admit worry and self-pity make a nice cocktail we all enjoy sometimes but just like any cocktail, drink too much and it will do more than just give you a headache, it will ruin your life.
Love yourself enough to do the real work of change.
Jill K Thomas CHT
Soul Connect Hypnotherapy
Author of the books “Tales from the Trance” & “Feed your Real Hunger”