I was really jealous of a friend once (ok, more than once, but we’ll just pretend it was only once). Her book had just gotten picked up by Llewellyn Worldwide, which is the large independent book publisher I wanted to go with.
Rather than being happy for my friend, I sat in those feelings of intense jealousy for an embarrassingly long amount of time all the while saying to myself, “It’s not fair, my book is better” (it’s not, by the way); “I’ve been doing this longer” (not true either); “She only got in because of her connection with another of their authors” (true, that helped, but she still had to make a great book).
Once I let my inner child step back, who had by now turned green with envy, I sat for a moment and looked at what was similar. Yes, we both wrote a great book on a somewhat similar topic and we are both intuitive hypnotherapists but that’s about where the similarities end.
When I really let myself be honest, I had to admit, she had done the work to create a following for her book and I hadn’t. She created a school, taught classes and workshops at her own expense all over the country, frequently not making a profit, and she had done the work to build a social media following, none of which I had done.
The reason I bring this up is because everyone suffers from feelings of envy sometimes. Feeling as though something given to another was “unfair” and sometimes it isn’t, no question of that, but in most cases, if you really looked at the situation, you will see something, some sacrifices they made that helped them achieve their goal that you may not have made.
When a conversation begins and/or ends with “it’s not fair,” you miss the chance to see the road map left that will show you how you too can achieve that goal.
My book Tales from the Trance did get picked up, by my second-choice publisher, Ozark Mountain Publishing, and, yes, there were people in my life who expressed real jealousy about my personal circumstances, feeling that it was somehow easy for me. It hurt my feelings and I felt sad that rather than celebrating my success I heard, “She was only able to do this because …” It hurt but also it missed the truth. I wrote most of my book at a time in my life when I was working sixty hours a week with a job, a business, and business travel. I made it happen because I was committed to getting it done no matter what.
People are jealous when they see the results of the efforts made; they never see the efforts. The sixty-hour workweeks, the financial investment to help a goal become a reality, the very hard emotional work that has to be done in order to be comfortable having that thing you want and that is where the opportunity to learn gets missed.
So next time you see someone with something you want, allow yourself five minutes of “it’s not fair” then ask them what they did to get there. They just might give you a map that will lead you to everything you want in life. Love yourself enough to do the work.
Jill K Thomas CHT
Soul Connect Hypnotherapy
Author of the books “Tales from the Trance” & “Feed your Real Hunger”
Appointments available Globally by Video Chat