“No” is one of the most unloved words in the English language and yet in life we hear it all day long, especially if you are in any kind of sales occupation.
Often “no” is not a word but rather an action as in having your e-mail or phone call ignored. But sometimes it’s a literal “no.”
I remember reading that J. K Rowling’s Harry Potter book was rejected twelve times before being accepted; Twilight was rejected fourteen times. My absolute favorite book of all time, Outlander, was rejected seven times when the author tried to make it into a TV series, which was crazy since it’s amazing!
When I read this, I remember thinking, “That’s nothing!” My upcoming book, Tales from the Trance, was rejected by twenty-three publishers, some of them twice, plus countless literary agents. It was finally picked up by Ozark Mountain Publishing in Harrison, Arkansas, which is both the first one I queried and happens to be fifty miles away from where I grew up as a kid in Garfield, Arkansas. (Tales from the Trance is coming April 13!! Shameless plug, I know.)
My point is, rejection is part of life. I am not going to say getting all those e-mails and letters didn’t sting, they did, but the key to dealing with rejection is to dilute it by making lots of inquiries. Let me explain.
Many things in life are a bit of a numbers game, particularly any kind of sale, whether it’s books, pizza, or you as a potential new employee or potential mate.
You must make a ton of inquiries and expect to get a lot of rejection, in some ways even hoping for it, because you don’t want everyone or every situation you query. You can only take one job, you can or should have only one romantic partner, and if you are a business owner you don’t want every potential client who calls for an appointment (ask me how I know this). Some things just aren’t a good fit, and you have to ask a lot before you find things that are a good fit for both parties involved.
Never ever, ever, ever just inquire to one of anything then sit by the phone waiting for it to ring like a sixteen-year-old girl who is scribbling some guy’s last name on her notebook while he is out on a date with her friend. If you need something, ask five people for it. If you are looking for a job, apply to twenty jobs, especially if you think you have found the one you want. Energetically, the feeling of needing something to work out a particular way from a particular person has a very repelling quality to it.
“Oh, but then I will get twenty rejections rather than one.”
First, you won’t get twenty rejects, you will get five plus two maybes and the rest, nothing. And they won’t come all at once but imagine how bad you would feel if the ONE job you inquired about because you really really wanted it said no. Instead you want some options, which means asking for what you want … a lot.
You should never fear rejection, accept it. That’s life, but make sure you give the universe lots of chances to say “yes” by making a ton of inquiries. Love yourself enough to play the game in that way.
Jill K Thomas CHT
Soul Connect Hypnotherapy
Author of the books “Tales from the Trance” & “Feed your Real Hunger”